What My Tween Taught Me About Emotional Intelligence (in 24 Hours)

Last Friday night, I thought I nailed it.

Dinner, shopping, great vulnerable talks about starting middle school and all the nerves the come with it — just me and my daughter, fully present, no phone in sight. As a mom of four, these one-on-one moments are rare, and I’ve been preoccupied building Perivita. So I carved out the time. Gave her all of me.

We laughed. We connected. I went to bed thinking: I may have finally cracked the tweenage girl code.

And then Saturday came.

A simple miscommunication about cosmetics spiraled into her shrieking, “I hate you, Mom!”

From sacred bonding to epic meltdown in less than 24 hours.

Parenting a tween, I’m learning, isn’t about always getting it right. It’s about reading the shifts, adapting in real time, and showing up with presence — not perfection.

Which, not surprisingly, is exactly what leadership demands too.

(my daughter, in simpler times) :)

Emotional Intelligence is a Leadership Skill (Not a Bonus One)

We like to think if we just listen better, communicate more clearly, or get the systems right — we’ll prevent blowups. But emotional intelligence isn’t about preventing rupture. It’s about how you repair it.

It’s knowing when to press pause and listen — even when you feel defensive.
It’s being aware of the ripple your moods and reactions create.
It’s accepting that yesterday’s “I nailed it” doesn’t guarantee today’s grace.

Sound familiar?

Whether you're leading a team or parenting a tween, the truth is: the people closest to you are evolving. Rapidly. That means your approach has to evolve too.

Leadership Shift: From Fixing to Feeling

If you’re facing tension on your team — miscommunications, sudden reactions, an "I hate this place" undercurrent that comes out of nowhere — pause and ask:

“Am I trying to fix the outcome, or understand the emotion underneath?”

Emotional intelligence starts when we stop managing people like machines and start engaging with the human underneath the behavior.

Let yourself feel. Let others feel. And lead through that.

Bottom Line:

Better doesn’t come from being unshakable.

It comes from being human, learning out loud, and rebuilding trust — again and again.

To better,

Jess