How to Lead When You’re Not OK…
I almost didn’t write this blog.
The part of me who’s proud would rather manage appearances and project that I’m fine.
But I’m not fine. And I’m tired of pretending otherwise.
This year has surfaced some health issues that have brought extra stress, extra doctor appointments, and lots of extra anxiety. Add perimenopause to the mix, and my mood, sleep, focus, and self-esteem have basically been hijacked.
Adding to this is the pressure of all the roles competing for my decreased time and energy: wife, mom of four, coach to lawyers, General Counsel, Chief of Staff.
Lately, leadership feels less like a privilege and more like a cross to bear.
Which, as a leadership coach, feels sort of shameful to write.
How do I coach others through hard seasons while battling my own?
Leading Through Lows
Maybe your low season looks different.
Grief. Financial stress. A struggling marriage. AI anxiety. A child who needs more from you than you know how to give.
The specifics may change. The leadership challenge doesn’t.
How do you lead when your own resilience feels compromised? How do you lead through the lows without feeling like an impostor?
The advice I’m taking myself: stop managing appearances. Keep being authentically you. Know that this is a temporary.
The Leadership Shift
Here’s what I’m doing to lead myself through this season:
1. Speaking my truth.
Rather than having my boss wonder why I’ve been irritable AF, I told him what was going on.
Even the TMI bits.
I framed it simply: here’s what I’m navigating, and here’s what support looks like from you.
He was extremely empathetic and supportive, and the transparency made me feel a whole lot lighter.
Pretending I was okay took energy I didn’t have.
Speaking my truth gave some of that energy back.
2. Remembering my best is still enough.
Ten years ago, I was in the best physical shape of my life.
Now I’m navigating pain, a slower metabolism, brain fog, palpitations, and a body that responds a helluva lot differently than it used to.
Growing older is a privilege. It’s also not for the faint of heart.
I realized I was spending precious energy grieving a former version of myself instead of supporting the person I am today.
Your best in one season may look very different in another.
That doesn’t diminish your worth.
You are still enough.
Honor where you’ve been. Honor where you are. Honor the unwritten chapters still ahead.
3. Leading myself first.
Self-care gets framed as indulgence. For me, it’s survival.
Movement. Sleep. Walks. Therapy. Quiet. Boundaries. Nutrition. Saying no.
Leadership is not just how you show up for others. It’s how you steward yourself, too.
In fact, unmanaged depletion has consequences.
It shows up in your patience. Your judgment. Your relationships. Your energy. Your leadership.
Take care of yourself like your leadership depends on it.
Because it does.
4. Tagging in support.
Teammates. Family. Friends. Professionals.
I like being the capable one others count on.
And I don’t like being a burden to anyone.
But carrying everything alone is a terrible strategy.
Support can look like delegating. Asking your spouse for more. Calling a friend. Booking a therapy appointment. Talking to a coach.
Let someone else shoulder the load with you.
Bottom Line:
Leadership isn’t about always being okay.
It’s about showing up honestly, leading responsibly, and recognizing when powering your way through isn’t serving anyone and costing you too much.
If you’re in a hard season like I am, I challenge us both to lead authentically, accept support, and give ourselves grace.
To better (and it will get better),
— Jess